12:34pm on Friday 19th of February I just finished crying… Not tears of joy or tears of sadness but tears of realisation. I went from living in my comfortable city where I knew family, friends, bus routes, favorite restaurants etc to moving to a new city where I feel completely lost, out of touch with reality and no one seems to give a fuck.
It’s completely different from when moving to university because when going to lesson you’re surrounded by other people your age that have probably just moved to another city as well. You have no choice but to explore friendships, party, explore town and get on with course work!.
However moving to a new city after graduation with your BFF with no full-time job, no friends, family or familiar faces gives you the chills. I get butterflies in my stomach constantly debating with myself whether I’m doing the right thing. I feel sick and regret every decision made. But somewhere in my heart deep down I know that moving to a new city is the best for me not only financially but for becoming an actress!!
Every time I get why move out of London for acting?? Well financially I can’t afford to live in London and I’m not going to be living in a hostel and paying huge amount of money to travel everyday. London is the main place for auditions and casting etc but it doesn’t mean the rest of England doesn’t exist. If I wanted to move to Mumbai to explore my Bollywood potential I would! Also my long-term goal is to move to L.A. so rather than go straight from London to L.A. I need to experience how to survive in a new city in general.
Living in a new city is tough. I just want friends straight away. Its crazy because every Wednesday i travel to another city just for acting lessons and I have made a group of cool friends. I know in order for me to make friends I need to get a job or do something social. So right now I’m applying for part time work and maybe I’ll join a dance class or something.
Loneliness is a real thing! and that coming from me an only child. I’m not crying and lonely everyday it was just a burst of ahhhhhh what the hell am I doing that lasted 15 minutes. In the first paragraph the reason why I said no one gives a fuck is because no one visits! Its strange when I was younger i visualised being in my 20s with friends and hosting drink ups, cook ups house-warming things etc. But it seems that a majority of my friends have settled now this isn’t a bad thing if that’s what you want but I enjoy spontaneity. I want to have a massive girls trip away on holiday, I want them to come visit me on the weekends, I wanna ….basically is it too much to ask for a Sex in the city lifestyle ???
So now I need to get on with decorating my room for part 2 !!