Another Womans Beauty is not the absence of your own.
On the weekend I decided to go clubbing, I was feeling very confident in myself, I was excited because I brought a new pink dress and heels from New Look, I also matched my eye shadow with my outfit and I decided to rock my natural afro to the club.
I arrived at the club and brought myself my signature drink Malibu & Coke with ice and two lime wedges. I was on the dance floor shaking my booty feeling real good.
Untill I entered the little girls room a.k.a the bathroom. The girls room on a night out is jam-packed. It’s a hot claustrophobic mess full of females re-applying their make up, fixing their boobs, throwing up in the toilet and brushing their hair. Whilst all this commotion was happening my beauty confidence started to fade. My heart started to beat, I felt anxious and I started comparing myself to every single girl who had long hair, a small waist and a full face of make up and no matter how much I tried to shake this feeling off I couldn’t. I wanted to look the same, I felt so different, I felt like I should have conformed to looking like everyone else and I should’ve worn a wig or a weave. As soon as I left in the club I felt confident again.
I got home and I looked at the photograph above and I realised that I did look amazing. I may have been rocking an afro which is rare in a club but I did look good. Yes some girls had a full face of make up on but that’s not me. Yes some girls had amazing petit bodies but that’s not me, Im 5ft7, wear a size 12 and I love to eat, i’m hardly overweight! And yes a majority of the girls had extensions/weave or natural long white girl hair but guess what the people I came with including me was rocking an afro, two braids and kinky extensions twists and we looked great so I had to sit and reflect on why I had low self-esteem in that moment. I made my mission to learn how to appreciate a womans beauty rather than compare.
How can we appreciate another women’s beauty when we all are striving for the same look ?
When I was younger girl groups where everything. Take Spice Girls as my main example. Each girl was a frikking spice! there was no pressure to like them all, you where suppose to have your favourite or someone you could identify with. My favourite was Posh Spice because I loved her hairstyle and I thought her outfits where better than everyone elses. As a kid it was easy for me to accept all the Spice Girls for their individual personalities because they all brought something different to the table. Nowadays apart from the odd Nicki Minaj and Lady Gagas there’s this weird pressure to look the same.
I call it the Kardashian Era. The Kardashian era to me means body con dresses, slicked to perfection hair, waist trainers, tea toxes, contour to perfection make up, pictures with lighting, lip kits, lip plumping etc. It’s funny because attempt this look and always fail. Regardless i’m not bashing anyone who wants to look and feel good im just stating the trends that I see on social media that is starting reflect real life.
This concerns me because when I was in the bathroom I felt ugly in my own skin because I looked different from everyone else. What was weird was that everyone looked the same.
Note: Thank you to all the high street shop brands for selling the same type of clothes in different variations. The look books online all look the same. Can we get some new innovative fashion designers that focus on diversity or nah ?
How can we appreciate another women’s beauty ?
Simple 3 steps
Step 1: Be confident in yourself.
1.1 It takes some people a lifetime to be fully confident within themselves. Yes we have bad days but we also have amazing days where we feel confident and sexy! Confidence is rarely about your appearance. But on those days when you feel physically ugly and you need to leave the house it’s important to recognise what things make you feel confident in order for you to have an amazing day.
Maybe its a new hair cut ?, the smell of your favourite perfume? wearing your heels ?
I know that I feel the most confident when I leave the house with neat hair, neat eye brows, lipgloss and a fresh mint in my mouth.
1.2 Growing up in todays society can be really challenging in regards to dealing with your own insecurities. Insecurities begin at home when you’re a child. There are different factors that have impacted you and left you to feel insecure. Whilst we can learn to heal from our insecurities. What we should be focusing on is what we love about ourselves .
Write a top 10 list of things you love about yourself. (If you are struggling to figure out what you love about yourself. Then think about the things that you are good at and how you can improve on them
Once you’ve written your list. Put it into practice.
Once you acknowledge how amazing your really are move onto to the next step !!
Step 2: What do you admire about her ?
Scenerio time: There’s a girl that you think is so pretty and you occasionally stalk her on social media platforms like Instagram, or Facebook. If you think she’s prettier than you, or you wished you looked like her, or wish you had her features. Then please go back to step one because that type of mentality is only going to make you feel bad and start doubting your amazing attributes. You can’t appreciate another womans beauty if you only like them because you want to be them.
I’ll give you an example on how to appreciate another womans beauty.
Theres a girl on YouTube who I think is so beautiful. I love her style, make up and her confidence that she portrays on-screen. I admire her because I see positive attributes in her that I strive for. I also find that our personalities are compatible and I appreciate her beauty, I appreciate that she is confident in her own skin regardless of certain flaws that maybe obvious to the world. I admire her beauty and I don’t compare myself to her. I see her for who she is.
Remember: It’s ok to compliment people in real life, every girl loves a genuine compliment.
Step 3: Keep it Moving
Now you’re able to appreciate another’s womans beauty move on. You don’t need to sit there and start analysing the person. You don’t need to build a shrine for amazing that person is. Accept that your boyfriend’s ex girlfriend is beautiful and move on LOL.
The moment you start checking up on this person everyday or over analysing them it becomes unhealthy and leads to jealousy and obssession and that is an ugly trait.
Note: Physical Beauty is in the eye of the beholder & Raw Beauty comes from the soul and everyone can see it!
Another womans beauty is not the absences of your own.
Please comment below with your opinion.