For The Uninspired Woman: Out with the old and in with the new seems to be the quote of the new years. We all deserve to be around people who make us happy and elevate us to another level. Detecting if you’re in a toxic relationship isn’t always easy, especially if you’re in love with the person. You may also be an outsider trying to figure out whether your loved one is in a toxic relationship.
Articles on relationships uploaded every Friday.
Trust Your intuition
Whether you’re in the relationship or looking from a distance, trust your gut feeling. Our natural gift of intuition should never be overlooked. You’ve clicked on the topic because your curious. The truth is you may be wrong but what if you’re right? Maybe you can help or leave the situation.
We were born to be free and not to be controlled. Some relationships thrive off of one person being very dominate and the other submissive. To watch your loved one being controlled in that aspect can be frustrating however the people in the relationship may enjoy that dynamic. Controlling behaviour to watch out for includes:
- Changing your appearance.
It’s one thing to accept that you’re not the best dressed in your relationship. But do you find that you’re only getting compliments and major attention when they’ve suggested an outfit ?
Do they make you feel unattractive when you decide on how you want to present yourself to the world ?
- Not letting you explore new friendships
The potential threat that a new friend can bring scares them, so they would rather you not explore the idea of a new friendship. Yes you can have friends but going shopping with them, trying to create a genuine relationship with them is a no no
- No Privacy
They want to be in complete control of your life! they want the passwords to everything just for the sake of being able to check up on what you’re saying and who you’re talking to.
- They make you feel guilty for the decisions you make
You decided to splurge on an a new outfit and you didn’t discuss it with them. Yes it’s more than likely to create an argument but what is the argument really about ? Is it more about what you’re not allowed to do or that you went behind their back. If the argument is gearing towards what you’re not allowed to do then that is a sign of toxic relationship.
- Going against your parenting skills
Every time you discipline your child, your partner or father of your children goes against your decisions in front of the child. Making you look like the bad parent, making you feel guilty, manipulating you into thinking his idea is the right and only way. Telling his family and friends about your personal issues and how if affects you as a mother. Not respecting the routine you created for your kids.
Aggressive arguments in public.
Having an argument in a relationship is completely normal. We have arguments with parents, cousins and siblings but we all have a level of pride and respect when it comes to arguing in front of strangers or other people. Notice that when you argue with someone you hate or a stranger, you don’t tend to care where you are. All you know is that your angry and full of rage. It should not be like this in a romantic relationship. It should not get to the point were you both have lost control of the situation. If you’re constantly having aggressive arguments in public then there’s a clear underlining issue that you both cannot deal with.
Note: If you’re arguing like this with family members or friends this is also a sign of a toxic unhealthy relationship.
A fight, domestic violence, bullying which ever title makes you feel more comfortable. This is unacceptable in any type of relationship. Physically harming your partner is a huge signal that the relationship has become toxic. Physical abuse stems from deep-rooted untreated issues. If you’re the abuser the best thing to do is to work on yourself. You may love your partner and your partner may love you. But for their sake you are mentally corrupting their image of how a person should be treated. You both need to get help. If you have been abused but you still “love” your partner, staying doesn’t help the situation it actually makes it worse. You need to show them that you are not willing to put up with this. The most confusing thing about abuse in relationships is that for some it comes and goes like a roller coaster. Maybe you get hit every 3 months after an argument as the relationship gets more intense things will get worse.
If you’re witnessing someone getting abused this is a huge sign of an unhealthy toxic relationship.
4) You’re ashamed to confide in others about your issues.
We all have that person/people that we confide in and trust to give us amazing advice. We constantly tell them about the misfortunes in our life. But now its gotten to the point were you can’t even bring yourself to telling them about the dark truths of your relationship. You’re ashamed, you’re in denial and you’re tired of their judgement. Either way there is a huge part of you that has chosen to carry all your burdens on your shoulder.
Note: If you’ve notice that you’re friend now refuses to, gets defensive when, cuts you off because, this is a sign that they may be in a toxic relationship.
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Picture by Marjolin Caljouw
This was an absolutely amazing read. Thank you. I was this person once. So glad I’m out the other side of it now.
thank you for your kind words, It’s so hard to leave a toxic situation but to reflect on it is powerful. Do you ever worry that you might get into a situation like that again ?
Its very interesting because i feel like its possible to be both types of people espiecally if you start as the abused its easy to become the abuser and vise verca in your next rlationship. is it really something you get passed?
hmmmm i don’t think get you get passed it but you can over come it
getting passed it is overcoming something keish lol