For The Uninspired Woman: Heartbreak is horrible but you know what else is horrible that no one ever talks about ? Heartache, The heartache that occurs when you have strong feelings for someone who you’ve created a genuine friendship with and formed an attachment but you have to let that go because neither one of you is truly “ready” for what ever reason…..
The Value of a Relationship
In my opinion a healthy relationship is a safe haven for two individuals to intimately express themselves with no judgements. I say safe because no one wants to feel constantly on edge, uncertain or uncomfortable. Life is already hard enough and that energy from a lover is draining.
The idea is to grow in the safe haven together. Lets call this safe haven a family sized Caravan. There’s a designated driver and the person who reads the map. On occasions depending on the weather they switch roles. Not entirely comfortable with their position they find ways to make it work. The aim is to take care of the caravan, provide it with fuel, wash it, fix the tires. However you have to ensure that you also take care of yourself. How can an individual drive if they’ve used all their energy painting the Caravan. It’s about compromise and compassion.
Many people enter their caravan without a good spring clean and a conversation about what their desires are. They hide the cracks in the window and hope no one will ever notice.
Once you stop taking care of the caravan or spend too much time or energy trying to fix the tire it loses its value. Imagine both of you spending time everyday trying to fix the leak in the bathroom. One of you lost the instructions, there is constant blame, no ones actually trying to resolve the situation in an appropriate manner.
Eventually the caravan will get dusty, the parts will start to rust. and other Caravans will naturally look more appealing. At this point you’re not learning anything new, you’re not going to seek help. Just the same old, same old hoping that the car will be brand new.
I think the worst thing to do is have cracks in your caravan and carelessly invite children to be apart of it or commit your life to eachother. Knowing it just cant be fixed. The children will eventually learn your ways, they’ll see the cracks and the cycle will just go and on. Practing bad behaviour will result in bad outcomes.
Value yourself, Value your relationship. Relationships are a choice and if it isnt a choice then its not a relationship.
Being ready to start a new relationship.
As we get older the urge to have a solid relationship and a partner that we can do life with becomes very apparent. With that energy we can sometimes attract the wrong type of people and we call that desperation. Some people jump the gun and indulge themselves in a relationship because they want to get married now! or have kids now!
That doesn’t seem healthy.
It’s understandable that we want to have partner that we can laugh with, a person that brings stability to our lives, that supports our dreams, that encourages us and genuinely cares about our well-being and interests. Basically we want the right person for us. However when feelings enter, the whole ballgame changes. Especially in the beginning of getting to know someone. You can go into a situation thinking this is what I want, this is how im going to get it and then all of sudden you realise you’re completely giddy around them and can’t form a decent sentence. You can be so relaxed around them you don’t need to be super impressive.
And then the bitch arrives we shall call her Insecurities everything from your previous relationships, friendships and the way people have treated you starts to appear in your thoughts. The strong person who didn’t care starts to care.
It leaves you in a weird position.
Being ready for relationship is based on the individual. I think having a strong foundation and strong sense of happiness keeps a person grounded. Being able to communicate and share thoughts is important. A relationship is about two people and they have to be willing to grow together and understand each other. Being ready for a relationship in my opinion is being able to show the person who you where before you met them, who you are now and who you want to be when you’re together.
Why would you want to date person whos past you don’t understand or they’re not willing to tell you ?
Being ready for a relationship is not about expecting someone to treat you right its knowing they will.
Heartache is not the same as heartbreak, it’s less intense. Heartbreak is about crying everyday, calling on your friends constantly, not being able to function in the day, taking your stress out on other people or an ex and sometimes heartbreak makes you do some crazy mother f**king sh**t. From taking them back 12 times, to throwing there clothes away ?
Hey people write songs about this stuff it can get crazy.
HeartAche on the other hand is the “We never made it but what if”. It’s the I have strong feelings for you, I dont hate you, you weren’t horrible to me but I can’t get you out of my head. Its knowing that someone made you happy for a period of time and it has to end. It’s the ache that makes you want call them but you cant. It’s staring at your phone wanting to text them but you cant. It’s the text message that you send then regret because you have to get them out of your head.
It’s knowing that in a few months the feelings will be gone but for now your heartaches………